I am tired of being talked to at railway stations, on trains and on the Tube. I’m not talking about real people.

Real people tend to give me a wide berth. Which I’m quite happy about.

The last thing us Londoners want to do is make small talk with strangers.

Right?

No, I’m talking about automated voices giving me instructions and telling me things I don’t need to know.

“Please ensure you have a valid ticket before travelling on this service.”

Listen, I’ve just used my ticket to get through the station barriers. If it wasn’t valid it wouldn’t have let me through.

Would it? Just think about what you’re saying.

“This is your London Waterloo service stopping at Norbiton, New Malden, Raynes Park, Wimbledon...”

I know where it’s going. I’ve just looked at the display that tells me where it’s going. That is why I’ve just got on the train.

“Please ensure you take all your personal possessions with you when you leave the train.”

Err, I don’t know about you, but I tend to leave all my personal possessions in my house.

Taking them with me on a train would make the travelling experience a right old palaver.

I’m sure I’d get a few funny looks trying to drag my George III oak dresser on to the 7.37am to Waterloo.

“Your next station stop is...” Station stop? Do you mean “station” or “stop”. One of those words is redundant.

I just want some peace. Is that too much to ask?

Life is stressful enough. Transport Minister Norman Baker said last month that even he was getting annoyed by these pointless announcements.

Well if the Transport Minister can’t do anything to stop it, no one can.